You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
