I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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