i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
