Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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