I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
