JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
