very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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