Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
