32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
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Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
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At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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