I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
