Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
