I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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