They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize