I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize