John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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