Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
