I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
