I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
