Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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