Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
