Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
