apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
