I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
