Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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