Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
