so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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