I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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