My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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