if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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