you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
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I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
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Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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