we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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