i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
