new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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