Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
