Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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