Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
