Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Screwed.edu
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
