Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
