I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
