guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
