here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
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the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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