So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
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you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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