Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
