We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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