i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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