your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
