i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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