I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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