if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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