i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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