he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
