At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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