I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
