he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
